Pretty Features Hid The Rotting Corpse
by Tom T. Thomson
Summary: After being drawn into the Blood Reaver to make the Soul Reaver, Raziel went mad. Told by Raziel is his account of how that happened. Finished.
1. Hell

In the Sarafan Stronghold and in Avernus Cathedral, I was denied the pleasure of entering the blade, but now is different. Now I will be with Kain as long as the Soul Reaver is in his hand.

The shock of entering the blade knocked me out. When I woke up the first thing I saw was my hand. I froze. It had been so long since I had last seen it in this condition that I barely realized it was my own. Sitting up, I was able to see the rest of my newly restored body. I had recently become comfortable with the sight of the rotting blue flesh on my frame and to have it change back to what it once was had an almost unnerving affect on me.

Slowly, I reached out to touch my arm. The flesh was warm to the touch and smooth. I laughed. I could barely believe this had happened. Enthralled by this new circumstances, I wrapped my arms around my body, joy felling every part of my being. When I thought things couldn't get any better, I was suddenly confronted by something I had over looked.

My wings. My wings too, had been restored.

I had no time to revel in this new found enlightening pleasure as I realized the fact that I had no idea where I was. The interior of the Reaver was not what I had expected. Dull brown stone covered all of the walls and floor, not to mention the ceiling. It seemed to be a maze of caves, caverns, and passages leading only that giant squid knew.

And now for the first time, I heard the unmistakable sound of voices.

"Just like that! He killed me. I had no way of defending myself."

"'Worship or die'?! How dare they?"

"Do you know where my child is? I left him at the well. Have you seen him?"

"I know you, I knew I knew you. But you can't be you. We put you through the window. This is the really real world..."

It was the voices of the dead of whom the Reaver had killed, most it seemed in cold blood.

It was no wonder I was to go mad here.

______________________________

After some time of searching, I found that there was no place here where a victims voice did not sound. 

They had no origin and it seemed that they came from the air around me. If there was any.

I was about to lay down and give up on keeping what sanity was still in my possession when I heard a voice that seemed to have an origin. I quickly followed the voice and found the source.

An Ancient.

"Why, why did you leave us? We only did what you told us to do." He was sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth. "We did nothing wrong."

"What did you do, if you did nothing wrong?" I had had enough of meaningless talk. The Ancient turned and stared at me. He was younger than most in the murals I had seeing. The curse must have hit him when he was young. Perhaps too young to know better. His hair was long and it seemed to want to stay in his face no matter how many times he brushed it away. But if I had expected to get a half way sane answer from him, I dismissed the notion as soon as I saw his eyes. There was no sanity left in them. Only madness and a sadness deeper than anything I had seen before.

"We did as we were told. Nothing more, nothing less." He brushed aside his hair once again and looked at me. "Are you real?" I nodded. He stood and walked over to me, hesitantly, as if he had not see someone 'real' for some time. Once he reached me, a shaking hand touched my face. "You are real." His tone changed. Before it was soft and innocent with the madness that had infested his mind. Now his tone was harsh and almost uncaring. "Not that that says anything. Nothing is 'real' here. I don't even know if I am real, much less you." He looked me up and down, seeming to lose the courage that flowed though him moments before. I was reminded of a new fledgling before the corruption had set in. I was also reminded of the last fledgling I had made. Young, perhaps even younger than the Ancient before me, but for some strange reason, defiant. So I took petty on the child. I did not know if he would be the one to drive me mad in the end or if he would keep me sane for longer.

"… They had no right! How could they?! Taking so many like that! They deserve to be cursed!"

Perhaps it would be better to be mad than sane and listen to this.


	2. Izual

He looked at me, that insane innocence look once again about him. No more than a child in comparison to myself. But who knew how long he had spent in this place. It had robbed him of whatever sanity he still owned when he entered the Reaver. 

How did he get here? All the others the Reaver had killed were no more than voices that cried out and retold their death scene for all to hear. For me to hear. I heavily doubted that the Ancient heard them.

I watched as he laid his head in his hands, rocking back and for worth. "Who are you?"

He looked up, and for a second I could have sworn that his madness was only an act. But only for a second. "Who am I? I don't know. I use to think I was pure and right. Now I don't know." He looked at the floor. "I don't think any knew after…"

"What's your name, then?"

"Izual."

"Izual." I liked the name. It seemed to suit him. "My name is Raziel."  
  
Izual looked up at me and smiled. "I like your name. Tis a good name." The smile failed. That sadness seemed to deepen. And just behind it, a rage that would not be contained. He stood and held an arm out to me, as if to accuse me of some terrible deed. "You have never been told to do something and done it! You have never had your God then turn the deaf ear to you! You don't know what it's like to be like this! Why do you think I 'm here?! To listen to their endless complaints? Them!" He moved the arm to gesture to the walls. Apparently he could hear them. "I did what I thought was right!" He turned to face the walls behind him. "I hear you! I know what I did, what we did was wrong! Be silent! Stop telling your stories! Leave me be…" Izual dropped to his knees. "Just leave me be…"

"Izual?" He looked up. "I do know what it is to be betrayed by your god. Mine was my father. I was held in the greatest honor with him. For a thousand years I never left his side. And then one day, he ordered my brothers to throw me into the Lake of the Dead." I could feel my throat close with the memory. I closed my eyes only to feel those claws once again touch my wings. Only to feel the pain of the skin tare and hang limp against my back. "The Abyss…" I could remember the pain that its waters had inflicted on me. I didn't want to dwell on such memories as these, but I could not bring myself to send them from my mind.

When I did open my eyes, it was to see that Izual had vanished. I walked to the cross roads he had been knelt at and looked all ways.

"Izual?"

"Killed himself, he did."

I turned around to face nothing. Just another voice of the long dead.

"Not as dead as you may wish, vampire."

"Who are you?" I did not wish to be here in the first place, more so if there was a spirit here who could read my thoughts.

"One of Their victims. No more than a long dead corpse now. No more than a memory. Have no fear of me, vampire."

"Who killed himself?"

"The boy, Izual. Couldn't take it, now could he? No. The silence was too much for him. With the knowledge that he would never speak to his 'God' ever again. The curse was too much. Oh, yes. Did the job, it did. Found that blade. Fell on it, he did. Died. And now he's here. Here with all of the ones that _Reaver_ killed. Poor boy." The voice laughed. The sound echoed though out the caves. "Got what he dissevered, he did."

The Reaver had killed all of these people.

"No, not _people_, silly vampire. We are not _people_. We are Hylden." There was a brief pause then, "Were Hylden, at least. You will go mad here. This place will kill all your hopes, dreams, and happy memories. If I were you, I'd be so afraid"

"You have told there was noting to fear," I said, turning around.

"I lied." Something akin to a soul with a face of a rotting corpse and wild white hair flew at me at a speed I had not seen before. It hit me and I blacked out once again.

______________________

When I finally a woke, it was to hear only more voices.

"I was guardin' the Chamber just like Lord Moebius has told me, right? Then I heard all this screamin' from down the hall, and suddenly there's this demon that comes chargin' at me. Real fast like. When he got within a hundred feet, there's this light blade thing on its arm, right? Pulls its arm back and BAM! I was killed."

"One of those fiends had some how found its way into our Stronghold. I don't know how many of my brethren it had killed before it got to me…"

"My Lord Mortanius had myself and several others guard the portal to the catacombs when out of no where came this blue demon that came charging at us at great speeds…"

I knew what he had done.

He laughed again. The sound worse than the first time it rang out. "All your sins remembered, huh, vampire?"

So it would seem…


	3. Death

I knew now that how I was to go mad. Mad like Izual and mad like everyone here. Madness is an infection, which can spread to anyone it chooses. 

"Now you know what it's like to have the ones you kill come back to haunt you. To your last days." Izual was back. He stood above me, reminding me of Janos almost too much for me to bear. "Everyone goes mad here. The only difference when I got here was I was already deprived of my sanity."

As I knelt on the ground and looked up at him, I remembered the words of Janos. '_With every vampire they kill, the humans are slitting their own throats._'

All he meant was that as they killed vampires, they were also killing themselves. Death. One thing I have been deprived of for too long. _'…every vampire… slitting their own throats…_'

I gazed up at Izual, wondering if I still counted as a human.

With each human I killed, I had been hoping that I too would die.

The disease that is madness comes quicker than I had thought.

"Do you remember death, Izual?" He looked stunned. Did I ask something he had not seen coming? Perhaps. I am going mad, no matter how much I wish otherwise.

"In the dead of night they came, with knives shining in the moon light. Killed every one of us. We were defenseless in our beds…"

But now I was doubting if I wanted to stay sane. Madness is a mercy that only death rivals.

"Do you?"

Izual shook his head.

"Neither do I." I rose to my feet, every muscle in my body tense. "But maybe, if I can refresh your memory, you can tell me."

He flinched as my hand touched his face. "What are you doing?"

"Refreshing your memory, just like I said…" My grip on his delicate face tightened, my lips parted, my eyes hungry. "Just relax."

Madness impairs your judgment severally. Izual did as he was told and never moved as I nuzzled his neck and sank my fangs into his ripe flesh. He went limp in my arms as I drained him of his '_…precious lifeblood…_' Janos' voice was again in my head, along with all the Reaver had killed. All the Hylden that the Ancients had killed with the Blood Reaver in their apocalyptic war. All the humans and vampires I had killed.

"Is that better, brother? Knowing that you just killed the last thing in this god forsaken place you could see."

And apparently, my brothers as well.

I lifted my face from Izual's neck to the wall in front of me.

"You are here, too, Rahab?"

"Yes. We all are. I must say I am dreadfully pleased that you got poor Turel before you came to give us a visit."

"You may be, _brother_, but I am not."

I knew that voice. Ironic really. The last time I saw him, he was the mad one.

"Turel, are to assist my sanity--" Zephon cut me off.

"Or lack there of, it would seem."

"Oh do leave him alone. He will go mad quicker if _you_ talk to him."

As my brothers bickered, I left them, and Izual's body, to themselves. Now I could find something akin to peace and quiet, in comparison, of course. There would never be 'peace and quiet' here. No. The chaos will just get worse and worse.


	4. Hope

My brothers' sudden appearance was explained by whatever that spirit did to me. I would be damned to spend all eternity in this hell hole. Not the most comforting thought.

'_It will be okay.'_

I knew that voice too. It was Izual. Even in death he would haunt me.

'_Can I tell you about death now? Do you want me too? I might be able to. What you gave me could be death, but as I said before, I don't remember it. I can't feel anything. Nothing hurts; nothing gives me hope, happiness, or fear. You name it, I don't feel it.'_

"Leave me alone, Izual. Don't come near me." 

__

'How can I? I am but a voice in your head. Just a memory waiting to kill you. Don't waste your energy on me. I am but a spirit in this lost world, never to escape, always to linger.' I pressed my hands to my head. _'I will always be here. When you are long gone, I will be here.'_ I knew what he said was wrong. I would always be here, just like him. Rahab was right, I shouldn't have killed him. _'Look at me. Raziel. Look at me.'_

"I can't. As you said, you are just a voice in my head. You can't hurt me."

__

'No more than the next victim here. No more than that Hylden that ripped all of your souls from you.' As he spoke the voices around me gathered in volume. The din was so intense. The voices mocked me, tormented me. And very affectively stole bits of my sanity.

I lied. 

I doubt now if I ever had anything remotely close to sanity. Just the hoping that …

I had hope.

What these voices were stealing from me was my _hope_.

"You killed us!! All of us!"

"Filthy vampire scum!"

I couldn't take it any more of it. I had to get out of here. I was going mad.

"You are mad. What are you talking about? 'Going mad'. This is what you are. You have always been mad. Even when you lived. Madness infested in every part of your being. 'Going mad'. You can't run from us."

__

'Look at me, vampire.' I couldn't hide. I knew it. They knew it. I would have to face them some time. I turned to face Izual. _'Do you know me now, vampire?'_ The Ancient had been reduced to a skeleton. I remembered the vampire Guardians that I had to kill to get the elements for the Reaver. The majesty of those wings reduced to only bone.

"I know you."

__

'What am I?' I heard the voices of the others in the sword call out the same question and others like it.

"Damned."

__

'Correct.' Izual moved close to me. He raised a claw and touched my face, in very much the same manner I had done when I drank form him. _'As are you. Now just relax.'_ I did as I was told. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as the voices took shape. They were no longer voices but solid beings. _'Close your eyes. Don't watch.'_ Again I did as I was told. Then there was nothing but pain. Izual was forcing himself in my body.

__

'Soon you will know how it feels to be lost. To be one without hope. Without love or hate, just hunger.'

I might have been vaguely aware of everything I remembered fading. I might have felt a small twinge of pain at the loss of my memories. Of Kain, my father, my destroyer. Of my brothers. Of my clan.

Of me.

_______________________

Numb.

Izual was right. All I would feel is hungry and numb. I don't remember anything before, or after.

I walked around the caves with no real sense of where I was going. The cavers were silent. My feet didn't make a sound as they touched the ground. I was alone. All the voices were gone from the sword.

How I longed for someone to talk to.

I was so hungry. I need a soul.

I closed my eyes for lack of anything to do. 

I don't remember what was before now. I don't remember anything.

Izual? I couldn't remember him. Just that he was right.

Dark gods, I was so hungry.

Then there was a sound. Like a…

I opened my eyes and saw just what a wanted. A soul.

Quickly I devoured the hapless soul. It had done nothing. Just heightened my hunger with the long lost taste of food.

Days might have passed. Maybe it was months or weeks. Years? I don't know. I don't care.

A voice called to me.

"Vampire. Do you remember what you were?"

I shook my head. I didn't remember anything.

Another voice called out. "Vampire. Do you remember who you were?"

Again I shook my head.

"We know."

"We know. We watched you."

"We know you."

"At least we knew you."

"A fallen hero."

"A traitor to your kind and kin."

I found a corner to sit in until they left me alone. I don't care for what I was. All I care about is getting some peace and quiet. And food.

Something. Anything. Be it blood or souls. 

"You wont get it."

"We know what you are. Vampire."

I sighed. Peace I had. I think. But quiet would not come just yet. "Then what am I? If you know all, tell me."

__

'Nothing more than pretty features to hide the rotting corpse.'

"Izual?"

__

'No any more.'

"Izual?!"

Nothing. He was gone.

"Izual! Get back here this instant!!"

He did not come.

"He was never here, vampire. We were never here."

"You are."

"You are and am and will be."

"Figments of your over active imagination."

"Time to wake up."

Suddenly the caves were ripped a part. The ground was no more. The voices had never been. As things righted themselves, I saw a room. Tinted blue and green. Pillars lay in ruins. Tattered banners hung still. Nothing moved.

As I turned I saw a creature. A strange one. No skin. No anything. Just blue muscle and white eyes. It reached out to me and I to it. I felt like going home.

And for the first time in who knows how long, I felt something.

Pure ecstasy.

The End


End file.
